HAHAHAHAAAA

i love scaring the shit out of my sister. her reactions are so fucking hilarious, it's a knee slapper. but of course, she doesn't like it when i scare her. teeheehee (x

what a wonderful kind of day

Every day when you're
Walking down the street,
Everybody that you meet
Has an original point of view.
And I say - Hey! (Hey!)
What a wonderful kind of day
If we could learn to work and play
And get along with each other.

You gotta listen to your heart,
Listen to the beat,
Listen to the rhythm,
The rhythm of the street.
Open up your eyes.
Open up your ears.
Get together
And make things better
By working together.

It's a simple message,
And it comes from the heart.
Believe in yourself,
For that's the place to start.

And I say - Hey! (Hey!)
What a wonderful kind of day
If we could learn to work and play
And get along with each other.

Hey!
What a wonderful kind of day.
Hey!
What a wonderful kind of day.
Hey!

< / 3

i jinxed myself. when i said that you guys will be in a relationship, i was just saying that, i really didn't mean it. and yet here i am, watching as my heart broke when i saw you two holding hands while walking to class together.

i'll live. i'll move on.

but i hope that she makes you happy.

you got me

Oh, I just cant get enough
How much do I need to fill me up
It feels so good it must be love

you make me the happiest and giddiest girl within the fastest moment and in that same moment, you have the ability to transform me into a heartbroken girl in denial. like today, i saw you laughing and subconsciously, i smiled too, but when i saw who you were laughing with, that smile slid off so quickly. i hate this so so much. to be honest, you two look like a cute couple. if you two ever be in a relationship with each other, i hope that she makes you happy.

fuck this life

i hate myself. i hate the way i look, the way i dress, the way i talk, and the way i act. i hate how much i weigh, how much acne scars my face, and how much i bite my nails. i hate how i never do the shit i tell myself that i’m going to do, how i lie to myself and others, and how much i cuss. i hate how i’m getting more frustrated at myself and everyone, how i’m eating more, and how much less i’m exercising. i hate my glasses, my eyes, my fingers, my toes, my arms, my chin, and my neck. i hate how there’s no even skin tone on my face, neck, arms, feet, and legs. i hate how much time i spend on the computer. i hate how i degrade myself because of the fucked up society. i hate how i always compare my big body to petite, slender girls and let my self-confidence go down the drain. i hate how i won’t do shit whenever people piss me off. i hate it when my sister and mom tell me to exercise, to get off my fat ass. i hate it when my sister tells me to stfu. i hate my loud voice. i hate the way i am never focused, how i always space out or shut off my thinking mode. i hate how i always complain. i hate the fact that i’m so fucking lazy. i hate how i always crave for money. i ahte it how i'm not close to my parents. i hate how i can't speak korean fluently. i hate it how i let people walk all over me all the time. fuck this shit. fuck my life. i’m so tired, so damn tired of living the same shit every single day. but guess what? i’m not going to do anything to get out of the routine. because that’s just the way i am. and i hate that.

i'm not beautiful, inside or out. nor am i unique.

dear ap euro exam,

i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.
i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.
i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.
i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.
i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.
i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.
i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.
i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher.

i will not fail you. instead i will get a 3 or higher even though at the moment i am near panic although i studied for over 5 hours and will study again for 3 hours tomorrow morning. let's say that i felt that i knew more than i studied in the bathroom. tomorrow when i enter the school library and start on the multiple choice, i will ace you or at least get a decent grade and i will progress to the essay portion with a good feeling in my heart and mind. after the 4 hour exam is over, i will scream and jump in joy and relief.

oh yeah, i. am. going. to. pass. that. exam.
BOOYEAH.

you're not sorry

neuro SONIC

is a good drink, even though it tastes like soap. the better one's neuroGASM because it tastes like berries. i like berries. christine's going high right now due to the intense cramming we did for euro. teeheeeheeeee~ she's scaring me right now o_o oh well. gotta go, euro calls.

hallo

guvnor. the rain did last until today! YAYAYAY! (: so happy because we didn't have to run. this week's been turning out pretty good for me and tomorrow's friday. i gotta get ready and start studying for my ap exam that's coming up! oh and the euro final. shit my teacher really wants to kill my grade. let's see that F go lower.

lovely weather we've been having, eh?

indeed my good ladies and gentlemen. i really really really love the rain because it's so soothing and gentle. the one thing i love more than rain is walking home in the rain. heh even though i get ridiculously wet and might get a cold, it's all good. best part is this rain's going to last until thursday. (:

oh hello there

fuck you. you've always given me a bad vibe ever since i've known you from years before and now you've proved yourself how shitty a person can be. hell i pushed away all bad thoughts and turned a leaf because i thought that you were a true friend. but no. really? open your damn eyes and see for yourself how the world does not fucking revolve around you. oh you're going to whine? you know what, go ahead nothing's stopping you. it's better for me because you're just letting everyone know your true bratty self, not that damn fake facade you've been pulling. yeah, bitch how that i'm the bitch and you're just the nice girl next door who didn't do shit when it was actually the other way around. the things i want do to you, i'd be in jail and ruin my future, but you're not worth it. you were never worth my time.

like i said before. fuck. you.

airplanes

i can really use a wish right now.

really. i'd wish for stop what i'm feeling right now. the unsettling feeling of doing nothing to finally achieve a major something like a goal will go away and then i can live my life to the fullest. cliche yes, but i can't help it. i don't think that i can ever get anything out of this life i'm living because i just don't try. my cynical self just tells me that i can't do it, i will never be able to grab onto the prize that i want so dearly and i listen. i listen even before i give myself a chance and i really hate that. i say that i'm going to change myself but it's an empty promise. it's beyond procrastination, it's beyond giving up. i never try. and i wish for that to not be the case.

dilemma

so i've been experiencing some more internal conflicts, but this time it has to do with the opposite sex. i wish that i had something like a light switch in my brain that doesn't let me like guys for a time being because it wastes so much time and shit. if only if only.

i've decided

lately i've been wanting to get some tattoos when i turn 18. so i've decided to get 2 and they will be quotes. probably in script cause script tattoos are the best.

i found this picture of this quote tattoo but i forgot where i saw it. -__-
anyways it said : 'love is enough'. i think i'd get that oneeeee. & i'm still deciding on the second one.

may 7th; 3PM

i really can't wait until it's that time. cause then all euro students will be done with their AP exams and we won't have to worry until the letter comes in july/august.

may 7th. 3PM. come right now.

sooooooooo

i'm going back to gg to return those bball shoes i bought yesterday at jcpenny's. at first i thought that they were pretty good but nothing could beat nike's. HAHAHAHA if i could afford to get some nike's that is. oh well, got to get the best deal at foot locker with my $65. (:

my letter to you

dear boy with flannel shirts

i wonder what my life would be if i never had music class with you. but then again, i wouldn't want to know because you bring me the greatest happiness within the smallest moment. even though i can't muster up the courage to talk to you, just know that you make my day. everyday.

love girl with glasses.

@ cousin's

& we're having a grey anatomy's marathon, seasons 2-4. i'm hooked onto that show, so intense and shit ohmyyyyyy.

damn

i think that i ate too much gogi for dinner. now i feel like puking my guts out. and i have this raging headache that won't go away. siiiiiiiiigh.

it's 4:37 AM right now. And i've been awake for the last 2 hours.
damn what's wrong with my sleeping pattern these days?

i feel like blaming someone

i feel the need to blame someone. i notice that almost everyday i get pissed at 6th period because of math and because of this person. i don't know what the hell happened but i feel like the person is using me. idk what to do i'm just waiting for spring break to come so i can be free from this internal shit i've been dealing with lately. and when spring break comes, i'll be waiting for summer.

i want this school year to end right now.

omegle

talking to random strangers online is fun. you get to make up crap about yourself, TAHAHAHAA.

frustrated

today's fifth and sixth periods were not good today. freaking ellipses and hyperbolas pissed me off to the point where i wanted to scream out and strangle the next person i see. hell, i'm supposed to be doing my math homework but i decided not to and go on with euro homework. these days i've been being a bitch to only my sister so i feel bad. i'm sorry for being a bitch emma, i did not mean it, you just caught me during bad moments.

one more week until spring break. i cannot wait.
five more weeks until ap exam. i can wait.

even if the sky is falling down

because really, that's immature

to those who are egging me to confess to the guy i like --

stop it.

it's pissing me off how all of you threaten to tell him yourselves if i don't. come on now, let's not be immature, yes? please. i'll tell him myself when i want to. the reason i haven't confessed when i said i would is because of peer pressure. shit guys, stop it. just stop.

happy 16th ellen

i know that you had a good one cause i was there. today at 6flags was mucho fun, i'm glad that you invited me. <3

i don't know what to do

i know that i'm being replaced. that feeling of unwanted is overwhelming and i see myself analyzing what to do around this girl who used to be very close with me. i've started becoming more quiet and trying to find conversation starters but when i actually initiate the convo, it gets awkward. i try my best not to make it awkward but it does and i just keep to myself. and i haven't been being a good friend to her, so i understand why but i'm trying to save everything.
lets call the girl A. and the girl i'm being replaced with B. so before i met A during my middle school years, she's known B first and they were close then. but as middle school ended and high school started, A and i became close. but now that sophomore year's a few months away from summer, A has been hanging with B. at first i brushed it off but A was always looking for B, talking to B, and hanging with B. yeah call me jealous because i miss talking about weird things with A.
i sound possessive but i'm not. crap, i sound like an overemotional preteen but really, i don't know what to do anymore.

full weekends

the weekend schedule's packed. all day saturday i'm going somewhere and sunday after church i have basketball practice. playing basketball with my church is so freaking fun and hilarious, i swear. it's the only thing i'm looking forward to besides reuniting with the sailor moon's. except for this annoying kid who keeps on following us around at church. just gtfo.

under pressure

i need to step up and walk the walk. i keep on saying that 'oh i'll confess this friday blah blah blah' but when friday comes, i don't. see that's the thing with me, i don't do what i say i'll do. i keep on saying 'oh this time it's for reals' but actually no. i hate that about me.

anyways i'm hungry and pissed off. parents went to la, there's no food in the house for dinner, and i'm broke. fuck thissssssss

i don't care

i have a f in euro and a d in chem. fuck this shit.

mcs

diagnosis: middle child syndrome
symptoms include the following:

-misbehave to get attention
-go with the flow
-work as little as possible
-be less parent-dependent then their siblings
-an easy going personality
-trouble choosing a career path
-trouble maintaining a career
-quick loss of interest in things
-negative outlook on life
-half-assing
-indecisiveness
-become the ‘loner’ of the family, not participate in family events unless told to.
-play the peacemaker
-be more likely to go to a friend for advice than a parent
-be very creative (writing, arts, music, etc.)

congratulations cathleen. you have been diagnosed with the middle child syndrome and don’t you worry, it is not fatal, but it is an emotionally scarring condition. it might be a bit difficult to deal with forgotten dates, neglection, and your parents showing favoritism towards your older and younger sibling but you’ll be fine. look, there’s even famous middle children out there, such as madonna and david letterman! so don’t worry, you are completely fine. completely.

the fambam

whenever people are around my siblings and i, they always comment on how close we seem to be. -- well we are. and be jealous.

i love my siblings. even though i find it awkward and difficult whenever i try to say that to them, they know. i think. i'm pretty sure that i wouldn't be the person i am today without them being themselves and having memories together. anyways. of course i love my parents too, but there's always a language barrier that sets us apart and to be honest, i completely suck at talking in korean.

my brother can become the most annoying selfish brat that ever walked on this planet but it's all good because i can never stay mad at him for five minutes. we have this staring contest and i eventually laugh, the tension is gone, and all is good. he enjoys cooking and his food are delicious, so i hope that he'll find happiness in pursuing the culinary arts and ... make a five star restaurant where i can freeload off from, teehee.

my sister is a very complex person in my perspective. she's like an ocean -- can be calm at times and become a raging storm in the next. i can use alot of words to describe her like lazy, hilarious, intelligent, chill, mysterious, etc etc and she does seize the meaning of the adjective i use. at first i thought that i was the smart one in the family and it hurts to say this but to be honest, she's the smart one. urghhh hahaha, but i'm sure that its true. what she says sometimes stuns me, HAHA.

i'm glad that they're my siblings and not anyone else's.

daily cycle

yeeeeah, this is what i do everyday. when i saw this on my frfiend's fb, i laughed until my sides ached and until the ramyun i just ate threatened to come back up.

i will always love blogspot more than tumblr, even though i post more on the latter.

i have a story to tell you.
so there's this girl and i, we're pretty close friends. but lately i've been getting this vibe like we're not as close before and that we're drifting apart. i feel like i'm getting replaced by someone else and i try to hold on tighter to our friendship but that causes us to have some awkward conversations and such. and i don't want that quote to ever apply to me -- "funny how we used to be so close and now we're complete strangers."

i am nocturnal these days.

chuno

i've started watching chuno recently but i've started on episode 5, so i didn't get the plotline at first but it's like OMFG. sososososo intriguing and the characters have such sad histories and they're so complex! ohmygoodness, i adore chuno.

haters never prosper

well, it's actually cheaters never prosper, but it fits for haters too.

netizens get to me. the way they spend about 90% of their times behind their computers, their hawk eyes searching for any flaw that others have overseen. it's sickening the way they bash the idols that they hate and actually revel in their misery. does that really make you jump in glee to see someone's self-confidence decrease? does it really make you feel at top of the world just to see someone commit suicide because of your snide and cruel criticism?

yes yes i know i'm hating on them. but fuck netizens. they think they're the shit once they turn on their computers and then they become cowards the moment reality bitchslaps them. when you're beautiful the drama began i hated uee to the point i'd disrespect her, but now after seeing her performing, my perspective of her is slowly changing.

but those damn netizens don't know when to stop.

who cares if hwang tiffany looked a bit plump when dancing with jang wooyoung? did you see the laughter shining in her eyes? who cares if hyunah danced with jaebum? did you see how well they danced together? and who really cares about past comments on myspace? jaebum was caught up in the moment and let his anger speak for him. i'm pretty sure that everyone has had their moments in where they've let the fury spill out through profanity and i know i did many times.

like what if the tables have turned and it was actually them who were receiving the hate treatment? then the netizens would get a taste of their medicine and finally understand why some idols have contemplated suicide or have committed suicide.

damn. i'm pissed off now.

dona nobis pacem -- 2010

grant us peace Lord -- and you have.

this weekend was the winter retreat weekend. i went to forest home in ojai valley again and it was a trip down memory lane. everything was the same but it had a tinge of newness that was waiting to become one with the old.

whenever i went to retreat, i'd just cry and go with the flow but this one really had me in its grasp.

the adoration was unbelievable. it touched me for real this time and i could not stop crying due to ... everything. i thought about everything, especially about my relationship with God and that got the tears flowing. i realized that i'm only a sunday catholic and that thought just irritated and depressed me to no end because i know that i want to become more than an one-day worshiper. i've always been jealous of others who had God respond to their prayers and i know that if i want God to respond to my prayers, i had to start tinteracting to Him more. i had a talk with Father Pat and what he said just knocked some sense into me, he said that i was worrying too much about everything. i thought about that for a minute and it all made sense. for sure i'm turning to God more.

and those letters. the staff had our parents write us letters and when i read (or had frank teacher translate) what my mom wrote me, i realized that i sincerely have the best and caring mom ever. she believes in me and pushes me even when i feel like giving my 50%. i'm blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

this winter retreat was far the best one i've experience so far.

goodbye fifteen, hello sixteen.

breathe in breathe out

today is making me feel depressed. i received my final grade for first semester and i found out that i did not pass my ap euro class. god fmlfmlfml -- well its my fault anyways because i didnt put in the extra time and effort to pass the class.

today is the last day of being fifteen. then i turn sixteen tomorrow.

i notice that as i age each year, i grow a bit quieter. like 2% quieter. because two years ago, i'm pretty sure that i was louder than i am now. growing up finally caught up to me.

you give me hope

i honestly don't know. at first, my heart was set on becoming an author but what id that plan fails? i've got to create a plan b and work around that plan in case plan a fails.



indeed. being perfect seems to be the easy way in life but that glittering image just fades from time because there is no flaw that keeps people coming back for more. its like how we treat our idols; they seem to lead the perfect lives but what they do makes people like paparazzi's dive into their personal lives.





"if you can't have the person you love, love the one you're with now."

one after another

there are two types of cruelty in this world : people who initiate the abuse and people who stand by while doing nothing. in most situations, people who initiate the pain seem to be the most cold-hearted, but there are times what the latter does is just unbelievable. just standing there and turning the other cheek?

i found myself to be in that situation a few weeks ago. you could call me a hypocrite because i did the same thing i just criticized others for. but that nagging feeling of doing naught just picks at my conscience to an unexplainable point.

when i finished reading 'a child called it', i had to sit in a corner for awhile by myself. the child abuse that occurred within the pages just made me gag and i had to stop reading ever few pages to take some breathers. like how locke said, everyone's born with a tabula rasa and it's the experience that wears down the surface of the slate.

... ohmygod, ap euro's dominating my life.

competition

i really dont get the point in me making a tumblr when i have a perfectly fine blog. why yes tumblr comes with new layouts and such but i find that you cant comment. which is total bs.

i was reading past posts and i find out that i think deeper whenever im on my blog rather than tumblr. it doesnt make sense sometimes but it shows more depth. indeed.

i will always love blogspot more than tumblr.

&&&&&& i am muy excited for my church's winter retreat. yayayyy!

love and war

"Since when did love have a specific time it had to develop by? So if you guys are in love, just because you met recently, you can’t be together? What a load of nonsense you young kids are bringing to me. I may be old, but I still know a thing or two about love.” Suddenly, the driver pulled over to the side and turned on the light in the car. “You two listen to me carefully.” The driver said without turning around. “Never base your love on time. Love doesn’t equal time. Time doesn’t equal love. You know why? Because time is predictable; love is not. So if you guys can look at each other straight in the eye and tell each other that it’s not love, then you shouldn’t be together. But if you guys look at each other and say it’s too soon, that’s a load of crap. Be honest with each other, and stop trying to lie to your own heart."

the time of our lives

aint the weather just lovely these days. raining, no pelting, then behold -- the sun graces the day with his orange and yellow rays to dry to wet earth. i wish that the rain continued.

god i need more time to study for my finals.

i dont care about english, korean, pe, or math -- its all about chem and ap euro. gotta raise those grades up and try to pass the first semester. especially ap euro.

i was taking a trip down memory lane in this blog and i cannot believe that i actually thought that breaking dawn was "fantastic" book. shit what was running through my mind when i was writing that post? ugh. ugh. ughhhhhh, harry potter ftw.

two dates to memorize :
november 2010 - part one
july 2011 - part two
harry potter and the deathly hallows, here i come.

Rules of Being Human - West Hartford Psychology

You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for as long as you live. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life.

You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called Life. Each day, you will be presented with opportunities to learn what you need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you think you need.

There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error and experimentation. You can learn as much from failure as you can from success. Maybe more.

A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in your attitude and ultimately your behavior) then you can go on to the next lesson.

Learning lessons does not end. There is no stage of life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live there will be something more to learn.

“There” is no better than “here”. When your “there” has become a “here” you will simply discover another “there” that will again look better than your “here.” Don’t be fooled by believing that the unattainable is better than what you have.

Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly.

What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you create with those tools and resources is up to you. Remember that through desire, goal setting and unflagging effort you can have anything you want. Persistence is the key to success.

The answers lie inside of you. The solutions to all of life’s problems lie within your grasp. All you need to do is ask, look, listen and trust yourself.


i think this will become my guide towards living the life.

well this winter break was a failure, LOLOL. anyways! i've found a new hobby : online shopping. whoooopeedooooo, its so damn fun yayayay. i've bought a pair of new frames to replace my old ones and a scarf bcus the winter days are not yet over.

i am waiting anxiously until they arrive. =D