He who hesitates is lost.

I really don't think that I can live life fully. Something's always there to hold me back, like this invisible hand is blocking my way of living life. It's been pmo lately, the way I try to do stuff but I can't because I feel like I can't. Yknow that feeling? The main conflict is maybe I can't trust; anyone or anything.

And I'm 1000% sure that this invisible hand will cause me a shitload of problems later in the future. And there always those what-if's! What if this happens, or what if ...? Just this afternoon, I found out that I'm a very hypocritical person; a part of me wanting attention so much yet I can't do shit for it. Like what? It actually paused me in my community service and made me think. Like, I really don't have a clue on what to do with my life.

SCREW YOU INVISIBLE HAND.

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One of my greatest fears --- Aging.

During my community service, I was working in a convalescent home. And it scared the shit out of me while I was working around these aged women and men. All spending their days either on a bed or confined to a wheelchair. I thought, is this me in 50 years? At first, working in a convalescent home seemed to be appealing, helping out these residents when reality bitchslapped me. I really do not want to see myself age.